We Get It, You’re Leaving Social Media

“I’ve decided to delete my account. Social media has become too toxic and I’ve decided I’m ready to move on. Hit me up if you want my number or to hang out OFFLINE.”

We have all seen this post, and it’s completely unnecessary. We all know social media sucks, but we’re on it because we want to see baby photos and cyber stalk people we went to high school with. We all know Mark Zuckerberg is basically the devil incarnate if the devil was a weird robot attempting to pass for human while selling literally everything about you for cash that he’s hoarding like a fucking dragon.

I tried to google “bad dragon” to find a funny photo and instead ended up going down a furry rabbit hole (pun only sort of intended).
No shame if you’re a furry, I’m not trying to yuck anyone’s yum,
it was just…not what I expected.

Look, if you wanted to get off social media, you’d just do it without the fanfare. The fact that you’re announcing it means that you want attention for it. Depending on what type of person you are, you either want people to beg you to stay or you want people to applaud you for being #brave. Maybe both. But if we’re all being honest, you don’t really want to delete your socials. You might do it for a little while, but you’ll be back once you realize you’re no longer getting the validation of likes and retweets.

This is not an airport; no one cares if you announce your departure. We’d all like to be that person who can casually mention, “I’m not on Facebook,” in random conversations, but we’re not because Mark Zuckerberg owns us and he has billions in dragon-hoarding gold to prove it. If you want to delete your profile, just do it and go outside or something. I don’t know what people do anymore, I’ve been locked in my house since March of 2020 while the rest of the people in my town are licking the public sidewalk and pretending like everything is fine again.

We’ll see you soon when you make the walk of shame to reactivate your account.


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