We Get It, You Hate Season 8 of Game of Thrones

Yes, it sucked, but life is full of disappointments. At some point you just have to binge something else and at the end of the day, it’s just a TV show. A quick Google search will fill the boob and dragon shaped void in your life.

Ugh.

But while we’re on the subject…what in the ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH DAVID BENIOFF AND D.B. WEISS? They had the incredible good fortune of being the showrunners of one of the most popular TV shows of all time and THAT is what they did with the last season? It didn’t even have to be the last season! HBO was willing to give them more seasons! But SOMEONE was too excited over the prospect of a Star Wars project to continue giving a shit about a series that had been building for TEN FUCKING YEARS. Of COURSE people were going to be pissed after they had spent a goddamn DECADE investing in a show only to have D&D shit on a stack of paper and call it a script.

Let’s revisit a few things that D&D ruined over the course of the final season:

  • Tyrion goes from being the smartest man in Westeros to someone who can’t think critically about anything. And don’t even get me started on the whole “Who has a better story than Bran?” speech–LITERALLY EVERYONE, TYRION. YOU HAVE A BETTER STORY THAN BRAN. Also, calling him “Bran the Broken” feels abelist as fuck.

  • Arya was repeatedly prophesied to kill someone with blue eyes AND with green eyes, but never did the latter. We saw her kill the Night King (which was a blatant ripoff of a Bollywood movie because D&D are lazy as fuck) but she never killed a Lannister, the family famous for their blonde hair and green eyes. Honestly, it would’ve made more sense for Arya to go to King’s Landing and kill Cersei, only to have Jaime find her and then die by suicide because while Cersei can survive without Jaime, he can’t survive without her. Plus, we would’ve been spared their romantic (I guess?) death together that somehow didn’t actually destroy the roof above them even though we saw it collapse on them.

  • While we’re on the subject of Cersei, D&D appeared to completely forget that Cersei was pregnant again; it’s the whole reason why she slept with the fuckboy pirate (another character they ruined, by the way). According to Lena Headey, she filmed a scene for the show in which she had a miscarriage that was later cut because who the fuck knows why. Had this scene been left in, it would have a major point for Cersei’s character. Cersei is absolutely a villain, but the way she loves her children is pretty much her one redeeming quality (that, and the fact that she repeatedly points out the fucked up gendered politics in Westeros). When Tyrion and Dany go to King’s Landing while Cersei has Missandei captive, Tyrion attempts to appeal to her maternal side to connect with Cersei’s last bit of humanity. Had the audience known that Cersei had a miscarriage and lost all of her children, this would have had a much bigger impact because we, the audience, would know that Cersei had lost her last bit of compassion in that loss of her pregnancy. But that was cut out so we don’t get that.

  • Why the fuck did D&D keep making Cersei wear that wig from when she had her hair forcibly cut? Hair doesn’t grow that slowly. Unless she was purposely keeping her hair short, but then there should have been a line of dialogue about that, something about reclaiming her blah blah blah.

  • Daenerys Targaryan’s entire character arc. This is one I almost didn’t include because I think Dany’s evolution into the Mad Queen made sense–if that character development had been given time to breathe. But in the final season, Dany goes from “I’m a liberator” to “I’ll burn children alive” over the course of a single episode. D&D rushed and it showed.

  • Speaking of Dany, is Daario just…in charge of Slaver’s Bay forever? We never got a follow up. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

  • Brienne and Jaime. I know I might get some pushback on this one, but I fucking hated that D&D gave these two a hook up scene. That was never their dynamic (in my opinion) and this attempt at fan service fell so, so flat. Plus, this then caused Brienne to go from a boss ass knight to tearfully crying in a robe when Jaime leaves to return to Cersei. BRIENNE. DESERVED. BETTER.

  • In the Battle of Winterfell, we watch all of the Dothraki get snuffed out in an open field. But then suddenly Dany has some reserve Dothraki when she takes King’s Landing? PICK A LANE.

  • Speaking of the Battle of Winterfell, I kept waiting for everyone to die and while we lost characters like Jorah, Theon, and Lyanna (the latter of whom was a fucking badass to the end), we didn’t really lose any other big players. You’re telling me that Sam was crying and blindly flailing with a dagger and he wasn’t killed by wigts? Really? Oh no, that’s right, they had to have him survive so he could make that fun meta joke at the end about writing A Song of Ice and Fire. We’ve always known he’s the stand-in for George R.R. Martin in the series, but at least make his survival more believable.

  • In a battle against someone who can literally raise the dead to form his army, no one thought it would be an issue to hide the most vulnerable in the crypt with all the dead bodies? On that note, apparently the coffins in the Stark crypt are made of styrofoam instead of stone, which I guess makes them more like beer coolers than coffins.

  • Bran. Oh my fucking god, buckle up we we can talk about Bran. First of all, I’m not upset about Bran ending up on the iron throne (figuratively speaking, because Drogon melted it instead of murdering Jon since dragons apparently understand metaphors and symbolism). The first book in the series opens from Bran’s perspective and from a storytelling perspective, that makes it ultimately feel like Bran’s story. Plus, with the set up of Bran becoming the Three-Eyed Raven, that sets up a lot of mythical, lore-related gravitas with the Three-Eyed Raven being intent on ruling Westeros because the humans clearly suck at it or whatever. But over the course of the series, Bran had prolonged absences that were never really explored. Then, there was the whole thing where Bran tells everyone that he can’t be the Lord of Winterfell–or anything–because he’s become something else entirely. But then when Tyrion asks him to be king, he’s all, “Why the fuck do you think I came all this way?” (not a direct quote). The way it’s presented in the series makes no sense because Bran’s “too mystical and otherworldly” to rule anything but then he’ll take the position of king. This could have been fixed with dialogue, but let’s be honest–D&D are not great at that (more on that later). The whole thing about Bran becoming king feels so unexplored and rushed and it makes no sense while leaving viewers with too many questions. Plus, we saw that when Bran is Three-Eyed Ravening in the past, he can interact with the past–and the Night King could interact with him. This is something that is never brought up again because who gives a shit about continuity? I kept waiting for a reveal that never came to confirm my own theory about Bran causing Aerys the Mad King’s madness. Here’s what I think could have happened: at some point while fucking around in the past and peeking in on Aerys, Bran hears Dany tell Drogon “dracarys” which, as we know, is the High Valyrian word for “dragon fire.” It’s the whole reason why Dany trains her dragons in High Valyrian–it’s not a super common dialect in Westeros anymore so there’s less of a chance of someone accidentally ordering her dragons to do something she doesn’t want them to do. But all the Targaryans know High Valyrian, so had Bran been in the past and heard or repeated something Dany said–like “dracarys”–then Aerys could have heard the voice and it would have driven him mad, which would explain why he kept repeating, “Burn them all.” If that were to be the case, then it means that the Three-Eyed Raven would have been playing 4D chess to bring about the fall of Aerys and the rise of Robert Baratheon to eventually lead to the events as we see them play out in the books/TV series, resulting in the Three-Eyed Raven’s ascension to the throne, showing that while the humans play their game of thrones, there was never a chance for them to actually win because the greater magical forces in the realm are ultimately in charge.
  • Why the fuck did Tyrion rearrange chairs for five fucking minutes of precious airtime in the final episode?

Perhaps the worst offense committed by D&D in regards to the final season of Game of Thrones is that they had the AUDACITY to submit the finale script to the Emmys.

This is completely real and I hate it.

I aspire to someday have the same level of unearned confidence as mediocre white men.

It may seem ridiculous to get upset over a TV show, but watching two jackasses destroy something you love because they’re anxious to move on to a shiny new project (which they were removed from because FUCK YOU, D&D, YOU DON’T GET TO SHIT ON GAME OF THRONES AND STILL KEEP STAR WARS) hurts. Plus, it feels like throwing up a huge middle finger to the actors and crew who invested so much time, hard work, and talent into creating this epic series. D&D ruined a beloved series to such a degree that most fans didn’t even want to rewatch it while quarantining from the coronavirus. People were/are stuck at home and in desperate need of escape, and even then they’d rather not relive that dumpster fire of a final season.


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